Me time

Always maintained that I hated driving…  Only recently have I discovered the close-to-two hours I spend in my little Mazda 3 is actually valuable beyond measures.  This tiny little space where I am stuck with my own company somehow forces me to deal with whatever emotions that lurk just under the outwardly calm I display.  Vowing to always be honest to myself, it is against my own philosophy to ignore what disturbs my inner peace.

A meditative state of floating in autopilot; a heightened sense of awareness.  This is when my inner voice gets loud, and the internal dialog flow.

What do I want?  Why do I feel the way I feel?  What do I need to do?

And it always comes down to accepting how I feel, whether it’s anger, resentment, or plain loneliness; to just be aware, without the need to deny or defend it.  It is what it is.  I don’t need to judge myself, just to know and understand where it all came from.

Once I’ve processed the emotions, I find myself always reaching for the simple calm that comes with being satisfied, centred, and grateful.  To remember that I have an abundance of love, experience, and possessions.  To recognise that I am strong, I am capable, and I am willing to keep working towards being a better person.  To be happy that I’m able to make a difference in the tiny bit of world I can reach.  To have hope, that the future will only be brighter.

Driving has forced me out of procrastination and into a habit of reflective internal examination.  As much as I’m tempted to ignore my emotional struggles and bury myself in being ‘busy’, I know this is for my own good.

No more running and hiding.  Just deal with it and sort it out Emi!

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