Always maintained that I hated driving… Only recently have I discovered the close-to-two hours I spend in my little Mazda 3 is actually valuable beyond measures. This tiny little space where I am stuck with my own company somehow forces me to deal with whatever emotions that lurk just under the outwardly calm I display. Vowing to always be honest to myself, it is against my own philosophy to ignore what disturbs my inner peace.
A meditative state of floating in autopilot; a heightened sense of awareness. This is when my inner voice gets loud, and the internal dialog flow.
What do I want? Why do I feel the way I feel? What do I need to do?
And it always comes down to accepting how I feel, whether it’s anger, resentment, or plain loneliness; to just be aware, without the need to deny or defend it. It is what it is. I don’t need to judge myself, just to know and understand where it all came from.
Once I’ve processed the emotions, I find myself always reaching for the simple calm that comes with being satisfied, centred, and grateful. To remember that I have an abundance of love, experience, and possessions. To recognise that I am strong, I am capable, and I am willing to keep working towards being a better person. To be happy that I’m able to make a difference in the tiny bit of world I can reach. To have hope, that the future will only be brighter.
Driving has forced me out of procrastination and into a habit of reflective internal examination. As much as I’m tempted to ignore my emotional struggles and bury myself in being ‘busy’, I know this is for my own good.
No more running and hiding. Just deal with it and sort it out Emi!