heal

It’s so easy to get stuck in the negative, to dwell in the victim mentality and choose to hide in being irresponsibily indulgent in sadness, pain and self-pity (yes some call it wallowing). I may even use it as an excuse to be reckless, using alcohol, sleep or sex to numb the intense emotions.

It’s times like this the wishful thinking sets in; if only someone can come and yank me out of this sticky, gooey swamp of misery. And oh how I got lost in that train of thought. But at the end of the day I had to gather enough strength to remember: I am the most qualified expert of my own happiness. I have my own wings to fly me away from the deep dark entanglement of negativity. The only person who can set me free, is me.

Seems so simple when it’s written down in words, but it took heart wrenching awareness and brutal honesty to get back to here. I think this time around, I needed to remember to be gentle with myself. Be kind, and admit my weaknesses. It is ok to make mistakes, it is ok to embrace my dark side. As long as I know where to draw the line… I know I’ll bounce back.

So I’ll remember to be grateful for all the amazing things in life, and I’ll appreciate the parts of me I worked so hard to form. I’ll make time to enjoy the things that bring me joy. And I’ll dress up to look my best. I’ll go see the movies I want to see, even if it’s on my own. I’ll dance the night away. I’ll treat myself with the good food and wine. Most of all, I’ll make sure I give myself time to reflect, breathe, and heal.

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