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Be Present

Why do we feel the need to bombard our conscious awareness and hijack our senses until we are overwhelmed – then call it “multi-tasking”? Multiple screens, music, the potential to be distracted with calls, messages, emails… It’s as if we’re afraid to open up, to lose what delusion of control we think we have, and to allow ourselves be vulnerable to this amazing world we live in.

Why is it so far out of reach, so incomprehensible, to quiet our minds, focus, on the task at hand, and just be present? No wondering about what to have for dinner, which emails we’ve yet to reply, those weekend plans, the never-ending to-do list, or the screaming messages on the phone. To stop thinking about what had been or what may become… and just be.

All we have, is this moment.

So I remind myself, to just walk when I’m walking. Earphones out, mind quiet, and be aware of my surroundings and my physical body as I travel on foot. The air flow through my hair, the pressure on my foot, the scent of rain, the dance of the shadows cast… To just appreciate the food I’m eating; to just dance when I’m dancing; just drive when I’m driving; just be the teacher when I’m working.

And to just stay still and let it flow through me, when I’m missing you.

This is my reality. I shall give it the utmost respect, by being present, no matter how much I want to run.

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Centred

How do I become a better person? How can I elevate myself to shine brighter?

Focus. The in-between-the-scenes transitions that go unnoticed. Awareness. The unconscious breaths connecting memorable moments that linger.

Walk. Sit. Watch. Breathe. With purpose.

A state of fulfilment and abundance.

My early morning meditation. Everything starts from within.

[Day 37] Demolition

Some deep-rooted values can’t be swayed or influenced.  It is embedded within us, from our childhood, our youth; consolidated through our experiences… The way we were taught to judge ourselves and others.  The way we were made to think about our actions.  The way we learn to just ‘react’ in certain emotions and defense mechanisms… It takes so much self-awareness to even see via reflecting, what it is and where it comes from… For one to then begin to notice it on the present continuous, then to try move past it and choose one’s own way of belief…

Still a long, long way to go… But at least I will not be afraid to face it all, knock it down if need be, then rebuild it up again.

Perhaps I am less knowledgeable today than I ever thought I was; but I refuse to be afraid to go back and admit I was wrong.  I didn’t know any better after all.

Life is all about the journey to reinvent yourself.  Why let your past self limit your future potentials?

舊的不去,新的不來。是這樣的嘛!

Ready for a wrecking ball!  Let’s tear me down again so there is more room for magnificent new creations!

[Day 21] My Choice

Do you believe in ‘becoming happy’?  When you get that job; when you own that car; when you buy that house; when you marry or have children; when you lose that weight; or maybe when you learn this and that?  It’s hard to not feel like you ‘would be happy’ with those things… I know I can’t help myself sometimes to think I would be “happier if…”.  I recognise that these thoughts drive us to move forward and achieve our potentials, so there is definitely value in wanting more in life.  However, there will always be more to be wanted.  It never stops at just this job, this car, this house, this family life… So when do we stop, and think we actually are, just happy? Read More…

Vulnerability

Saturday yoga was led by an instructor who calls himself ‘Truth’.  During the session he reflected on how these days we no longer give ourselves any chance of “being bored”.  Yes, he mentioned the study about how we check our phones 150 times a day; when we’re just waiting for a red light to turn, an appointment to show up, a meal to be served… any time we’ve got seconds to spare.

And he speaks the truth (hehe).  He says he’s tried in the past week to really be bored.  To allow himself to be vulnerable.  I thought that was beautiful.

To stop distracting ourselves with the fast pace of this world we live in.  To catch ourselves from the deafening mind chatter we bombard ourselves with.  To just be in this moment, to feel, to observe within.

Ah how I have missed this spiritual side of yoga.  Peace, love, serenity. 💗

But that wasn’t all.  On the same day I met this interesting character at a dinner party who pushed me to an uncomfortable zone that left ME feeling vulnerable!  He insisted I knew the answers and coaxed me into exposing what I thought and felt but weren’t SURE about.  Took some reflection on the next day for me to realise I rarely say things that I wasn’t sure about, because I don’t like leaving myself vulnerable.  I never like guessing games, and I don’t like to think out loud if there’s a chance I could be wrong.

But why am I so scared?  Is it because I’m afraid of being judged?  Is it a fear of being wrong?  Or am I still uncomfortable giving people access to the side of me that I didn’t choose to present – hence the vulnerability?

Then I realised perhaps I am less open than I thought.  My openness was conditional – I was only open when I could predict how it would be perceived.  I allow people to see what I could control, but beyond that I keep to myself.  Another wall I’ve built, to be strong, to withstand the pressures and the possible pain that life may bring.

Is it time that I learn to be more vulnerable?  I think yes.  Rather than becoming harder and stronger, perhaps what I need is the opposite…  To be more fluid, transparent, and accepting of whatever sharpness that comes my way.

和石頭的堅硬比起, 如流水般柔軟才能夠承受一切而不留一絲痕跡.  我想脫下我的硬殼, 學著接納生命中的尖銳和波動.  面對挑戰的我只會越來越豐富, 越來越飽滿  : )

Inspired.

The beginning

I refuse to let the past determine my future…

All I need is the resolution to reset:

“This is who I am now.”

Live, breathe and radiate what I want.

Stronger

As much as it kills me…I’m proud, to finally have my priorities right…
There is an inner strength in me; I’m glad that it seems to be shining on.

Brave and beautiful.
(Even with all that snot and puffy eyes…)

For those who care and have been worried: today, I’ve made you proud.
Big hugs all round.

Uni – you now have my full attention.
Bring it!