“As soon as I’m in contact with beauty, the second thing that comes, usually, is pain. And I think it’s almost a conditioned response, from having had that beauty crushed.”
In much the same way, when I experience pure joy, a sense of sadness usually follows, from a conditioned response to that joy dissipating.
In the clip above, Eisenstein mentions how he hurts for the biosphere. For me, I feel pain when I see the beauty in humanity. There is so much beauty in every single one of us. For that to be ignored, denied; for people to think/feel/act in destructive ways either towards themselves or others… It brings me a deep sadness.
Yet, Eisenstein’s openness and compassion made me notice how beautiful it is to experience this sadness. It takes great courage, to allow yourself to be that vulnerable, to feel pain, to grief. Somehow I can see it as a blessing to feel this grief. It is because my heart knows we can do better. So let’s.
Left these cute little leaves on the plate for tray collection at ikea… Hope it brightened someone’s day : )
Twenty-fourteen has been an unusually sentimental year for me so far…
I don’t normally like to dwell in the past. I prefer to think that I’ve already done my reflections and taken lessons away to become the better person that I am today. I usually focus on the present and somewhat plan the near-future, but rarely do I look far back to acknowledge the damage I’ve caused (in my own life or otherwise!). Perhaps it is the blogging; perhaps it is my resolution to share and be open; perhaps, it is because I somehow found new courage and reason to see my past messed-up self and truly accept it. Whatever the reason, it seems the universe is in sync with my resolve, as I keep seeing and experiencing reminders of moments that I’ve long forgotten… or chose not to remember.
I was quite emo last night, thinking about all the mistakes I’ve made, and all those wasted effort and energy I put into bubbles that eventually burst into nothingness. Basking in blissful sunshine this morning however, I decided that kind of self-loathing is not really me after all. I have always defined my life with relationships (romantic and non-romantic), and marked time with connections I’ve made. No, I have not been blessed with the luck to marry my high-school sweetheart and live a simple, stable life (oh how happy mum would have been!) But I am blessed, with the warmth and the openness to have shared precious moments with multiple people who in that point in their life, welcomed me into their heart and reciprocated this passion to form meaningful connections.
I know I was given this rocky path to learn something that a simple straight road could not have taught. So I will embrace it, ugliness, regret and all; I will see it as a blessing and grow stronger from it. I guess there is still a lot more to learn, and so onwards I go… Head held high, smiles bright, heart open — no fear. Share in the beauty of this magnificent world with me, and trust in the divine powers to figure out the future which I know will only shine brighter.