They say that a teacher’s expectations of their class significantly impacts on the class’s achievement in test results. I feel the same way about young children, how we expect them to behave often directly correlates to the choices they make. So when I noticed that I intentionally lowered my expectations for the most important people in my life – families, friends, partners; I had to reevaluate. Sure, it would be great if I could take things as they come and just have zero expectations for future events. Unfortunately being THAT ‘present’ is too far a stretch for my wondering mind…
So it came down to a choice, of taking that risk to be vulnerable (see fear of disappointment). Over the past few months, I’ve experienced such joy and restored much faith by allowing myself to trust.
I trusted that my friends would be mindful. Alice, remember that day that I dropped you off to get your car, and you offered to cross the rails and let me drive on? That made my day.
I trusted my family to be supportive. When my brother helped me with major service of my car on a weekday, he showed how capable he has become, and I’m so proud.
I trusted my dates to be considerate. Forward planning, locations, time of the day, what to do… I haven’t been disappointed by the logistics for a long time. Chemistry can’t be forced, but I am still so appreciative of the good in the people I’ve met. Of course, not all of them have been lacking in that department… so we’ll wait and see how that pans out.
You’d think these are the basics, but it took a lot of courage for me to trust in others. And you know what? It’s so pleasantly surprising how mature the people in my life are.
By taking a chance, I feel overwhelmed with gratitude for the beautiful souls around me. Not only do I now have more strength to keep up high expectations; I feel like I can handle rejection and disappointments better too – by not taking it personally. Just like sometimes even the most well-behaved child will accidentally break your favourite mug, we can’t focus on the stains in the rug. I’d much rather just choose to hope and believe in the best in everyone.
What you see in others is a reflection of yourself. I’d like to take that bar I’ve lowered and add some wings to it. Sky is the limit. Let’s soar.
Do you believe in ‘becoming happy’? When you get that job; when you own that car; when you buy that house; when you marry or have children; when you lose that weight; or maybe when you learn this and that? It’s hard to not feel like you ‘would be happy’ with those things… I know I can’t help myself sometimes to think I would be “happier if…”. I recognise that these thoughts drive us to move forward and achieve our potentials, so there is definitely value in wanting more in life. However, there will always be more to be wanted. It never stops at just this job, this car, this house, this family life… So when do we stop, and think we actually are, just happy? Read More…