Tag Archive | happiness

[DIY] More Polished

One of my many vices include the superfluous accumulation of nail polishes.  Online shopping dictated my fate of owning multiple polishes of similar shades.  (Plus I’ve been told by my hair stylist that I can be a little colour tone-blind at times…)

So when I saw this little gem on Pinterest I was immediately inspired:

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Found this on Pinterest

I had such fun putting little hats on my lacquers last year…

Cut pieces of masking tape and paint them with two coats.  Wait till completely dry.  Stick on top of caps then carefully trim to fit.

Yet somehow I’ve accumulated more since then…

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2014 Updates

IMG_8699Strangely satisfying seeing them all topped up with corresponding colours~ <3

Need more fingers and toes now please.

Me time

Always maintained that I hated driving…  Only recently have I discovered the close-to-two hours I spend in my little Mazda 3 is actually valuable beyond measures.  This tiny little space where I am stuck with my own company somehow forces me to deal with whatever emotions that lurk just under the outwardly calm I display.  Vowing to always be honest to myself, it is against my own philosophy to ignore what disturbs my inner peace.

A meditative state of floating in autopilot; a heightened sense of awareness.  This is when my inner voice gets loud, and the internal dialog flow.

What do I want?  Why do I feel the way I feel?  What do I need to do?

And it always comes down to accepting how I feel, whether it’s anger, resentment, or plain loneliness; to just be aware, without the need to deny or defend it.  It is what it is.  I don’t need to judge myself, just to know and understand where it all came from.

Once I’ve processed the emotions, I find myself always reaching for the simple calm that comes with being satisfied, centred, and grateful.  To remember that I have an abundance of love, experience, and possessions.  To recognise that I am strong, I am capable, and I am willing to keep working towards being a better person.  To be happy that I’m able to make a difference in the tiny bit of world I can reach.  To have hope, that the future will only be brighter.

Driving has forced me out of procrastination and into a habit of reflective internal examination.  As much as I’m tempted to ignore my emotional struggles and bury myself in being ‘busy’, I know this is for my own good.

No more running and hiding.  Just deal with it and sort it out Emi!

[Craft] Washi-tape dispenser

I say life is about doing things that make you happy.
It’s very important to know what makes you happy.
I’m very fortunate in that many things make me happy.

Washi tapes make me happy.

Craft makes me happy.

Organising makes me happy.

Spending one hour on making a washi-tape dispenser makes me super-duper extra happy.
(Saw this link on Facebook and have been wanting to make it for weeks!  Such a brilliant idea.)

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Judge all you like, but I’m totally living life.

Unexpected fearlessness

I’ve been noticing a change in me.

Growing up, I’ve always been quite self-conscious…  But I was blessed with friends that allowed me to be crazy; to let loose; to not care about what others may think.

Then I moved away from those friends, changed countries.  And the invisible eyes came back to stare.  I had a taste of what it was like to live carefree, and I’ve slowly worked my way towards it.  Lately though, I noticed a breakthrough.

SING.  I’m no longer afraid of breaking out in song when I please.  Sometimes it makes other people uncomfortable, but come on, laugh with me!
DANCE.  I rejoice in feeling the music with the movement of my body – beyond the confines of my room.  It just, makes me happy : )
WRITE.  I’m clearly comfortable in being over-sharing of the truth I see in myself.  But hey, what’s life without the deep & meaningful and the connections they bring?
DRESS.  I still like to dress-up (so much fun!).  But I’m comfortable rocking dagginess with zero make-up too.

These were the things I had consciously thought about working on.  Oh if only I had the courage, if only I didn’t care.  Well, no more if only’s.  I’m here.  But wait, there’s a surprise for me.  An unintended freedom to:

DRAW.  I’ve always known how much I can’t – but it doesn’t matter anymore!

I recall as early as kindergarten how the teachers would come around and look at everyone’s drawings.  I was always conscious of what they may say.  I hated having to show them, unless I was really, REALLY pleased with what I’ve done (and even then, I clearly remember one time I was so proud… got totally shut down with an ‘oh that’s nice’).  I was always comparing myself to others.  There was never the courage to just create, I was only ever comfortable with copying something I knew looked nice – most of the time someone else’s drawing.  Because I self-rated ‘not good enough’.  Since I was 5.  If not earlier.

That’s no longer the case.

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Looking at how much joy the scribbles bring children everyday, it has rubbed off on me.  All this time the mantra “it’s not about the end-product, it’s about the process” that I mumble to myself constantly, has had an unexpected profound effect on me.  Who cares if I can’t do much more than a scribble.  Who cares if you can’t hold a tune.  If it brings you joy, it’s worth doing!

Oh the endless blessings of working with children!

[Day 56]  joyous gratitude.

[Day 37 minus 1] Once upon a time

Part of reflecting requires harsh, brutal honesty through which you pick off the old scabs, dig at the pink scars, and look at the bloody, ugly truth in your past.

I was once very proud of how much I could “sacrifice” for love.  I thought by placing the other person’s happiness (and convenience) first, they would see how much I loved them and would cherish me.  So I’d stay up to talk, even though I’d be micro sleeping all day afterwards.  I’d make my own public transport way just to save him “the hassle” of having to get me, even though it takes twice as long.  I’d do all the chores in their house, I’d spend my ridiculously tiny savings on them, and I’d put up with anything as long as it made them happy… Watch scary movies, stay home and do nothing, be everything that they wanted me to be even though it wasn’t really me…

It was an intense and heavy love.  Now that I look back, I am completely horrified.  Who wants someone that doesn’t know how to take care of themselves?  What a burden young Emi placed on her lovers.  How much pressure they must have felt to have my world revolve around them.  Who was I to judge what it was they needed and wanted?  Living in comfort and convenience never lead to much growth – why hold people back?  I wouldn’t date little Emi from 10 years ago… {Bless the brave souls that did.  Thank you for putting up with her.}

I am now much more in control of my own happiness and prioritise it.  I believe you have to take care of yourself (physically, emotionally, spiritually) before you can take care of another.

I believe in living your own lives and sharing the journey together.  Your path is yours to walk on alone, but I can walk along side you on my path, and we can walk hand in hand without stepping over each other.

I believe in giving each other the opportunity to contribute to your happiness.  Allow people to do things for you – it will make both of you happier : )

I believe in sharing the work.  Life is dynamic, and you need to be there when the other person is down and vice versa.  Maintaining a relationship requires both parties to put in effort, and it won’t always be equal, but you should take turns in being on top ; )

Sure, I still believe in sacrifices and compromises.  But I am much better at gauging “the point of resentment” where I begin to keep something in my mind, write a mental list, and bring it up during the next opportune moment.  I don’t really like that or want to be doing that.  I don’t want to over-sacrifice or compromise that I start building a resentment towards the other person…

No longer convincing myself my happiness depend on another – I now believe in creating your own happiness so you can share it with others!

Perhaps it will come back… That type of sacrificial love often happens in a parent-child relationship.  But I will strive to keep reminding myself to be the one to stimulate, not sculpt.  Whether it is my partner or my children, I want to be part of the drive that make them want to be better.  I’d rather inspire than push or shove.  Allowing freedom to make mistake means no restrictions in how much they can grow.

I’d like to think I know better now.  I have grown to have respect for others, and respect for myself.  By putting myself first and making myself happy, I am liberating my love and giving it wings to soar.

Fly high Emi.