Sitting in front of the TV in a semi-food-coma after dinner, suddenly at the flick of the channel, Madrid was on TV. “Look it’s Madrid.” Said grandpa, not knowing how much the city meant to me.
It’s been four months since I was there last. In dreamlike fondness, I watched the camera pan through the streets… The pure simplicity of what I felt while I was there, I will always remember. Yes, there was a boy. Although brief, our encounter was an abundance of joy, happiness, and love. And I will carry that purity with me, because till this day, the beauty of it gives me strength to pursue the very best in life.
Isn’t it funny how chance encounters change you in such profound ways… Life is full of such moments, if you open your heart to it.
The physical environment is a manifestation of our mental state.
So I guess all these years I’ve been going at it wrong. Hard as I try, I still own far-too-many possessions that follow an organised chaos, taking up space, time and endless-effort. I now realise it was all because of this one important concept I missed.
Decluttering, really starts in the mind.
You need to purge attachments, re-examine values, and make space for what’s to come.
In the next month or two, I intend to move out of the family house which I’ve lived in for almost 13 years. Many people have come and gone over the years, but I’m now the only one responsible for all the junk and crap we’ve accumulated over the years. Furniture that we inherited from the previous TWO dwellings; abandoned room full of my brother’s EVERYTHING; tools and junk left by my grandparents; and books. SO EFFIN MANY BOOKS. This is on top of my own shit that I’ve managed to hoard since before I started making money.
Tackling this has been a hugely overwhelming, yet somehow exciting experience. Overwhelming, because of the sheer volume of STUFF I need to go through. Exciting, because this great purge of 2015 is opening me up to a whole new life without clutter. (Yes I’m an optimist)
This process of purging has been a journey down some dusty forgotten memory lanes. I found physical reminders that triggered memories of things I used to do, and people I used to know. It forced me to revisit lessons I learnt the hard way. There are mistakes that I choose NOT to think about for a reason. On the flip-side, it also reminded me of how far I’ve come.
You realise how much you’ve changed, when you read through your old diaries and feel like you’re invading someone else’s privacy. The trivial things that teenage-me used to care about. The negativity and insecurities that lurked between the pages. The life goals that have since been achieved, internalised, and long forgotten. And the boys. Oh-so-many boys that have been in and out of my mind/life. Ones that have changed me in fundamental ways; and ones written in code names that I can’t decipher for the life of me.
Then I realised how absurd it is to hold on to these mementos of the past. For me, it’s enough that I got here. The details of how – no longer carry weight. It certainly humbles me to remember my beginnings and my struggles… Yet it is empowering to be able to let it all go (cue Elsa).
So goodbye my past. Thank you for equipping me with all that I need for the great adventures ahead. World, here I come!
Ran into a face that I used to know. Six years, seems like a lifetime ago because I was such a different girl back then. I had no idea what I wanted, where I was headed, and at that time, didn’t even really care.
Seeing that face, still as youthful and radiant as the first time I saw him across the bar, reminded me of how far I’ve come. I was surprised that he still remembered my name!
Thank you, Bartender Jonathan. I sincerely wish that you are well, and happy :)
Baking in the last bit of March warmth on an early Sunday morning at Balmoral.
Soaking up the memories of you and I.
I’m missing you. : )