Twenty-fourteen has been an unusually sentimental year for me so far…
I don’t normally like to dwell in the past. I prefer to think that I’ve already done my reflections and taken lessons away to become the better person that I am today. I usually focus on the present and somewhat plan the near-future, but rarely do I look far back to acknowledge the damage I’ve caused (in my own life or otherwise!). Perhaps it is the blogging; perhaps it is my resolution to share and be open; perhaps, it is because I somehow found new courage and reason to see my past messed-up self and truly accept it. Whatever the reason, it seems the universe is in sync with my resolve, as I keep seeing and experiencing reminders of moments that I’ve long forgotten… or chose not to remember.
I was quite emo last night, thinking about all the mistakes I’ve made, and all those wasted effort and energy I put into bubbles that eventually burst into nothingness. Basking in blissful sunshine this morning however, I decided that kind of self-loathing is not really me after all. I have always defined my life with relationships (romantic and non-romantic), and marked time with connections I’ve made. No, I have not been blessed with the luck to marry my high-school sweetheart and live a simple, stable life (oh how happy mum would have been!) But I am blessed, with the warmth and the openness to have shared precious moments with multiple people who in that point in their life, welcomed me into their heart and reciprocated this passion to form meaningful connections.
I know I was given this rocky path to learn something that a simple straight road could not have taught. So I will embrace it, ugliness, regret and all; I will see it as a blessing and grow stronger from it. I guess there is still a lot more to learn, and so onwards I go… Head held high, smiles bright, heart open — no fear. Share in the beauty of this magnificent world with me, and trust in the divine powers to figure out the future which I know will only shine brighter.
“It’s so beautiful!” Said Isla, letting the leaves from the tree branch caress her high held hands.
A wild child, she is forever getting dirty. Lying on the ground to watch the ants crawl; running across the playground just to feel the wind in her face; smelling all the plants; spending all morning at the water play station; listening to the seashells; talking to the birds; gently touching each leaf, flower, grass she can find with her little fingers…
That smile, that love of nature, that wonderfully rich, big, warm heart of hers… Inspires me everyday.
More than anything, I want to treasure this purity and give her the strength, knowledge, and courage to stay true to herself. She’s moved on to the preschool class, but every opportunity I get in the combined outdoor playground, I tell her what I love about her and help her spread that love of nature.
I am so very, very blessed :)