The physical environment is a manifestation of our mental state.
So I guess all these years I’ve been going at it wrong. Hard as I try, I still own far-too-many possessions that follow an organised chaos, taking up space, time and endless-effort. I now realise it was all because of this one important concept I missed.
Decluttering, really starts in the mind.
You need to purge attachments, re-examine values, and make space for what’s to come.
In the next month or two, I intend to move out of the family house which I’ve lived in for almost 13 years. Many people have come and gone over the years, but I’m now the only one responsible for all the junk and crap we’ve accumulated over the years. Furniture that we inherited from the previous TWO dwellings; abandoned room full of my brother’s EVERYTHING; tools and junk left by my grandparents; and books. SO EFFIN MANY BOOKS. This is on top of my own shit that I’ve managed to hoard since before I started making money.
Tackling this has been a hugely overwhelming, yet somehow exciting experience. Overwhelming, because of the sheer volume of STUFF I need to go through. Exciting, because this great purge of 2015 is opening me up to a whole new life without clutter. (Yes I’m an optimist)
This process of purging has been a journey down some dusty forgotten memory lanes. I found physical reminders that triggered memories of things I used to do, and people I used to know. It forced me to revisit lessons I learnt the hard way. There are mistakes that I choose NOT to think about for a reason. On the flip-side, it also reminded me of how far I’ve come.
You realise how much you’ve changed, when you read through your old diaries and feel like you’re invading someone else’s privacy. The trivial things that teenage-me used to care about. The negativity and insecurities that lurked between the pages. The life goals that have since been achieved, internalised, and long forgotten. And the boys. Oh-so-many boys that have been in and out of my mind/life. Ones that have changed me in fundamental ways; and ones written in code names that I can’t decipher for the life of me.
Then I realised how absurd it is to hold on to these mementos of the past. For me, it’s enough that I got here. The details of how – no longer carry weight. It certainly humbles me to remember my beginnings and my struggles… Yet it is empowering to be able to let it all go (cue Elsa).
So goodbye my past. Thank you for equipping me with all that I need for the great adventures ahead. World, here I come!
Time and time again I am surprised by the boys in my past. Oh, the boys who were, at various stages of my life, “the most important” to me. For whatever reason, we no longer reside in each others’ hearts in that way. Yet the connections we’ve formed still linger, allowing you to give me warm fuzzy feelings (in a totally non-romantic way!).
I’d like to believe the influences we had on each other were more-good-than-bad. At least, that’s how I see it… All the heartaches were worth the happy memories, were worth the lessons learnt. You know I’m grateful, for everything you’ve experienced with me, that you’ve taught me, that you’ve done for me.
You, made me who I am today. You made my youth colourful. You gave me what I needed to keep on believing.
So I thank you, for the times we spent together. No, it was not a waste. I do not regret having devoted however much of my precious youth to you. It couldn’t have been better spent any other way.
I sincerely hope that you feel the same way… and I wish you happiness, I wish you fulfillment, I wish you love.
Ran into a face that I used to know. Six years, seems like a lifetime ago because I was such a different girl back then. I had no idea what I wanted, where I was headed, and at that time, didn’t even really care.
Seeing that face, still as youthful and radiant as the first time I saw him across the bar, reminded me of how far I’ve come. I was surprised that he still remembered my name!
Thank you, Bartender Jonathan. I sincerely wish that you are well, and happy :)