I’m not a sentimental person. Certainly after the great move of 2015, my attachment for material things have reached a new low. Yet when it came to Chinese New Years, I had a strong desire to fly home and spend it with family – not really what people expect of me, apparently.
It’s not like our family REALLY gets into it. We gather, we feast, there’s a few red pockets exchanged, and we feast some more… But apart from that we don’t follow too many traditions. We drive to the temple and pray to our ancestors, that’s about it.
The time we spend together is mostly for discussing what we’re going to eat; eating and exclaiming how delicious this food is; complaining how very over-stuffed we are; and of course, excitedly brainstorming what we’re eating next. We’re not the deep and meaningful type to discuss very heavy things. Not exactly conservative, yet quite reserved in a very Asian way. We have mutual understandings as to how far conversations go – when someone goes silent, it’s time to change topics.
I’ve always wondered how much my parents understood who I am as a person. They know I’m stubborn. They think I’m ‘witty’. Mum thinks I’m too clever for my own good and dad would rather not know too much. Yet being so far away and having been apart for so long, what they know, is only from what I tell them. So I guess it’s up to me to decide – and sometimes I question, is it enough? Should I lead them deeper into the labyrinth of Emi?
Three more days till I leave again. Someone wise reminded me to treasure each moment with them and spend it like it may be the last time. Somehow, being here, sharing the food, feeling their energy and giving them mine… I realise these, are the precious moments I came back for. Ordinary, plain days spent in each other’s company. Not for any other purpose but to spend time together.
Turns out, I’m deeply attached to my family. It surprised me how tough it is to admit that to myself. I guess I’ve always distanced myself emotionally because I knew they’re not physically close. Yet I can admit it now, they are very important to me.
I’m so very grateful to be back with them for New Years. I am now recharged and grounded to start a wonderful new year with strength, confidence, and an abundance of love for all that surround me. May there be beauty in our eyes, kindness in our actions and peace in our hearts. May there be luck, success, prosperity and happiness all round.
So much love for you all.
No longer shattered, no loose pieces… I’m not so broken after all! Woke up with the joy that I am surprisingly resilient and just, well, back to happy.
Like throwing pebbles in a lake… It bounces across the surface, causes splashes and sends out ripple after ripple. Yet the waves eventually stop, peace is restored, and the lake is a little richer yet unchanged.
I am still me. A little wiser; a lot more inspired.
Thank you my angels, for letting me see with clarity what I want, need, and deserve. Those three things may not overlap very much right now, but one day they will align. And I will be, everything to him as he will be to me. <3